Dark side

We've all got a dark side. Sometimes that aspect of our personalities shows up while onstage. I'm learning to handle that.

In my case, you don't have to dig too deep to find my darkest self. My problem is exactly that. My destructive energies are at arm's reach. It all boils down to insecurity, i think.

I used to be a very ill tempered person. I've always been fun and stuff, but it has always been too easy to fuck me up. To get me angry. To make me want to kill.

Fortunately this happens not very often, but once in a while i'll go a little bit crazy while doing my show. Sometimes i'm just a little bit too aggressive. 100% of the times this happens in the form of a reaction. I will only enter my dark side if i feel threatened. This means hecklers.

Last nite i was doing my show for a rather excentric crowd. Their behaviour was not really motivating. When i entered the place and got in a bathroom to get ready, they started talking shit and i could heard. Also, the woman who hired me, was spying trying to see what i was doing.

They turned out to be a crazy bunch. They all kept a very entertaining spirit. Always cracking jokes and having laughs. The problem was that many of this beings felt my presence as a threaten to their egos. There is always going to be at least one spectator who feels he deserves being where you are. They don't want the focus of attention off them. They should be in the spotlight, not you. So they get pissed off and start trying to descredit you in front of others trying to outsmart you, be funnier, make better comments, etc.

I have a strict no bullshit policy on people who try to steal the wheel from my hands. I allow and encourage playful participation , but don't try to fuck me.

Also i get rather angry when a spectator makes a wittier or funnier remark than me :)

Last nite i was a tad too bitchy on a couple of spectators. They were afraid and attacked. I got afraid and attacked back. I must learn to not feel attacked in the first place. That's the key.