Green

I'm an inmature magician. I'm still green. This shows especially when i perform close-up magic. I mean technical close-up magic.

Today i had a gig for a small group and i decided to do close-up instead of the usual parlor material.

When i'm about to perform a sleight i get all weird and my vibe fucks up completely.

It's like an eternal second of awkwardness. A horrible lapse of self-consciousness where i feel naked and watched by others; Time stands still and the spectators observe as i try to cover my naked parts from their sight.

Take the cups and balls.

At home, for my camera, i do it like noone else. Super smooth. All the moves go OK. But then with a nearby audience...it all fucks up. I lose my rythm, i get self-conscious and lose it.

The final loads always surprise the audience. They usually don't expect them. I don't flash the fruit even though the loading is far from perfect.

I'm still green on angles too. I always think that i'm giving bad angles. I get this little paranoia that the secret is being exposed in some way and i'm not completely aware of it. This has probably got more to do with my psyche than with my technique.
Unless the audience is exactly in front of me as in a theater, i get all paranoid about angles. And that fear destroys the effect completely for it reduces my confidence.